This Week in the News

• When no one else will talk to you, Lou Ferrigno will. For a price. Or any of these other out-of-work-and-desperate-for-cash B-, C-, and D-list celebrities.
• Stunt jumper disguises himself as fat man to evade authorities, tries to dive off Empire State Building. If only that was Rosie O'Donnell's excuse.
• Oh, and Rosie's joining the cast of cackles on The View. To add testosterone, we assume.
  
• Senators push for disintegration of FEMA. Response from New Orleans: "Fee-who?"
• Tom Cruise likes to jump, change his wife's name, and run. He likes to run a lot.
• When your mother nags you, you gotta stand up for yourself. Like this man.