Dominatrix Kills Lord!

Mistress Lauren M was just doing what she'd always done for 30-some-odd years. And at age 56, her clientele was getting precariously closer to the shadowed years where their ticker is a little more sensitive. But she wouldn't be doing her job if she didn't keep their heart a-flutter, right? Alas, it all proved to be too much for one. And when you've got a body on your hands, what's a girl to do? For the Video Report, click here.

Goodbye, Grandaddy

Grandaddy announced the "erosion" and forthcoming breakup after they release their next album, sans tour, due sometime in aught-six.

I would say I'm without words, but this is the only band I effused over like I was still a teenager and thus have vast unspeakable feelings of adolescent depression. My history with Grandaddy is as follows: In '97 I came out to the Bay Area & asked a new friend what he was listening to. What you see above is what he gave me. My roommates must have gotten sick of it. Still my favorite album of theirs. Seeing them at the Starry Plough has gotta be the highlight.

While the world waits with baited breath for the new album, Just Like the Fambly Cat, they have gifted us with an interim album that harkens back to their old guitar fuzz & warm synth sound with the EP An Excerpt From the Diary of Todd Zilla, which you can hear in its entirety on their website. If you want an accessible point to start at, go get Sumday and go backward from there.

As I dry the tears and shake myself out of selfpity by reminding myself I'm well past the age of gushy fanboydom, I force myself to turn and thank them for countless hours helping me cope with and learn from the vagaries and vicissitudes common to us all. I knew you would die someday Grandaddy, just not before I did...

Make Me Laugh - Closing My Eyes Will Block the Pain

Naturally qualified to conduct such a survey, a publisher that spews out romance novels polled men & women on six continents what the most important thing is in a mate. Not surprisingly, though the individual responses varied, both men and women declared their unabiding attraction to the awesomeness of the Hoffmeister.
For the video report, click here.

Macho Men Don't Do Jail

Victor Willis, best known for his Macho Man good looks as the "Don't-Make-Me-Put-My-Handcuffs-On-You" Policeman & lead singer for the Village People in their late 70s disco glitter heyday, has been on the lam for drug & gun charges since last year, and yesterday failed to show up in court for his conviction the second time in a row. One of America's most wanted policemen is now one of America's Most Wanted. For the Video Report, click here.

Blogger Down?

This is what happened:

I finished the video around 5PM this afternoon & had all the links ready to go. And Blogger's down. Really. The page said "Scheduled Maintenance from 4-4:30PM PST." And it was already 5PM. So I tried again at 6PM. 7PM. At 8PM I gave up and went home.

After taking the dog for a walk, I wondered if Blogger was back up. Voilà!

So I opened a bottle of Chalfonte Cognac (I've been heretofore totally ignorant of the devil's spirit and would like to be familiar with all drinkable liquids), queued up Mason Jennings, and resumed ripping our collection of over 300 CDs to high-quality VBR MP3s by popping into our big ol' Gateway Morrissey's Southpaw Grammar, which Bob says is severely underrated while I say Boy Racer is the only redeeming song on the album. Edit: Bob is shy. Second Edit: Bob is not shy & I'm a dork.

Good night all, while I wait for Angela to come home...

OMFG! Paris is SO Hot!

And boy, does she have that pose down good. In a stenographed deposition (which must be read with all the brilliant Paris-isms here) Ms. Hilton reaffirms her place as the Queen of Stupid when called upon to defend herself from a defamation lawsuit. For the Video Report, click here.
PS Thanks to www.ytmnd.com for the paris pics.

Can Ya Feel Me, CC?

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin is determined to rebuild New Orleans the way it should be - "a chocolate New Orleans." Yes he really did say that, not adding, "Chocolate - you know, like chocolate milk. Black and white, like...swirl. Asians and latinos, too. Like rainbow sherbet. Ah, forget it." For the Video Report, click here.

2006 Golden Globe Round Up

Reese Witherspoon wears hand-me-downs, Dennis Quaid's joke bombs, Russell Crowe proves he's just one of the guys and Isaac Mizrahi's just one of the gals. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to get away with that.
Oh, and people won awards.

For the Video Report, click here.

Captian Kirk Passes Kidney Stone

William Shatner passes a kidney stone and shoots it off into space and names it Genesis. Which would be more believable than what really happened.

For the Video Report, click here.

News Flash! Mariah Carey Dresses Badly!

And she spray paints her abs. Mr. Blackwell releases his Worst Dressed List for 2005. And his best dressed, but no one really wants to see that. This is all the guy does, has done, for 46 years. That's it. And people gobble it up. Does he forget we now all have internet & thus access to celebrity muck that was once only his domain? Plus the guy's practically a mummy, he's so old. Have you seen him? Read the list; the guy's losing it. For the Video Report, click here.

Malaysia? Where's Malaysia?

As one of the little red-headed lefty midget stepchildren of the world, Malaysia stages a feeble attempt for public recognition by a man who will try to break the world record for poisonous snake kissing. All right, already, Malaysia. We know who you are. You make our shoes.

For the Video Report, click here.

Carpool Lane for Two, Please

As two-bit scammers try to pull off dummies in carpool lanes, this pregnant woman in Arizona sincerely believed her fetus constituted another passenger. For the Video Report, click here.

Save Arrested Development!

The Man Who Would Be King

Elvis may (or may not) be dead, but not only does the dude make bank, he still casts his shadow of influence on many a man - and even more women. There are two categories of women: those who are for Elvis and those who are against. This story and this other one are two examples of those who are categorically against. For the video report, click here.

Warning: Pain Hurts

Remember that woman who sued McDonald's for serving HOT coffee? Here's one for ya. Burned by the really stupid suing them, companies have long been forced to print warning labels that probabaly take a long time to invent they must sit hours after the product and see how it can cause harm and I wonder who has this job, and if so, can I have it?

For the Video Report, click here.