The Fastest Way to Lose Weight

The ultimate Comeback Kid Bill Clinton preaches to the country's governors about the future of fat kids. Meanwhile, the Bolivian Foreign Minister has quite a handy solution to child obesity. For the video report, click here. For the late Phil Hartman's brilliance, click here.

The Rise & Fall & Fall & Fall of Anna Nicole Smith

Somehow Anna Nicole Smith gains audience with the highest justices of the American Court to tell them about the wonders TrimSpa will have on their image, and/or showing up drunk and/or on drugs and/or totally blitzed out of her mind and/or trying desparately to save what vestiges she has of her high-class sugar-daddy-bought lifestyle. For the video report, click here.

Colombia Turns Attn to Serious Crimes

To prove to its citizens that it hasn't lost completely all of its grip controlling crime, the legal system in Colombia handed down a 4-year house arrest sentence to a man for slapping a woman's butt. Ballplayers shrug in ambivalence.
For the video report, click here.

Concert Review: Rogue Wave

Bay Area band Rogue Wave returned home last night supporting Nada Surf at the legendary Fillmore. Taking the stage and commenting on the history of the venue in shock and awe, the band began the set with a couple songs off their first album, then went into the current Decended Like Vultures. All played like they wanted to, and their expressions, vocal and silent, reflected their obvious "I can't believe we made it" band zeitgeist, soaking in their relatively quick raise to fame which brought them to the same place they went to themselves, no doubt, to see their favorite bands. And here they are (taken from my cameraphone):


From left, they are: Pat (the guy with the hair) Spurgeon on drums, Zach (the guy who sings) Rogue on vocals & guitar, Evan (the guy with boogie) Farrell on bass, and Gram (the guy with the glasses) LeBron on guitar. Throughout the set, Pat, Evan and Gram swapped places, giving each song and instrument their own signature sound & feel.

And what are they like? At different times delicately soft & powerfully loud, Rogue Wave brings palpable emotion to the stage. More than just the sum of their parts, Rogue Wave succeeds in creating atmosphere & mood, alternately of surrender & hope. Lyrically they are neither too obvious nor too ambiguous, letting the words paint the story. California, for example, caresses the listener with soft, warm guitar strumming as the words form a kind of conflicting cynical longing: Screw California / and friends that are never there / and places that they oughta / pretend that they even care. /...So lead us there.

The album is brilliant and the live show brings the musicans' personalities to give added depth to the words and music. After the show I went & talked to the extremely affable Zach Rogue & asked if there was anything he wanted to tell the East Bay.

"Go A's!" he smiled. After mentioning their return to Oakland after their US tour with Nada Surf and almost immediate tour of Europe, he reflected on his busy schedule, but seemed pleased to be enjoying the success of the band. "I can't wait to come back, though."

Rogue Wave will be back in California in late March for Noise Pop in San Francisco.

Tonight: Rogue Wave at the Fillmore

Opening up for Nada Surf (who have a new album to promote) is Rogue Wave, local band from Oakland that does good. Really good. Will someday rule the world and take away all Death Cab for Cutie fans after they realize life really isn't all that bad. If you haven't heard their sound yet, I'm sure you soon will, and if you want to familiarize yourself with them so you can say "I knew them back when they opened for Nada Surf in '06" then you can check out their website here or their MySpace page here, where you can hear the sublime paean to ocular love, "Eyes."
See you there tonight.

Rock and Roll Will Kill You

Aspirations of rockstar glory led to the untimely death of this poor young lad. Which makes us all wonder - who knows the lyrics unsung, the pyrotechnics unseen, the ripped-off chord progressions unstrummed. He probably never even knew the genius of Tom Morello.
For the video report and homage, click here.

Lindsay Lohan Wants Your Respect

Tired of her PR flack's failure to spin her persona as a brainless, pole-dancing, Scarlett-hating teenager, Lindsay takes it upon herself to change her image. Hopefully it'll include adding a few more calories to her diet. Dumping Nicole Ritchie as her BFF was a start. Just don't ask her if she's OK. For the video report, click here.
Plus: Supreme Court Says Hallucinogenic Tea OK for Religious Ceremony; Church of Crack Inaugurated in Richmond, CA Moments Later - Read the story.

Oh Cruel, Cruel World

For immediate release:
Los Angeles, CA
A young girl had her prosthetic limb stolen from her house on Tuesday of last week. While local authorities currently have no solid leads, US Marshal Samuel Gerard stated this crime fits the pattern of another and issued a photo of the prime suspect (top).
For the video report, click here.

American Snowbaoarder Gets Pwnd

She had it. She was right there. First place. Second place wasn't even in sight. "Caught up in the moment," Olympic gold medal hopeful Lindsey Jacobellis decided to whip out an awesome backside method air grab as she streaked across the finish line. Except she didn't. She fell. And she lost. But she did give us some really good pictures and not-so-sly comparisons to Ray Finkel.

Study: Tiger Excrement Wards off Terrorists

Tigers are scary - just ask this guy. Images of their carcass-shredding mandibles strike fear in the hearts of the steeliest of warriors. Apparently, so does their dookie.
For the video report, click here.

Cheney's Aim is True

Cartoon prophets aside, you would think the suffering of another human being wouldn't be fodder for humor. But everybody - and I mean everybody - has taken a jab at Cheneygate. Jon Stewart's is brilliant. This game's pretty good, too. For the video report, click here.
Edit: Forgot to add this one, too: Cheney's Got a Gun

Would James Dean Listen to Emo?

Shopowners in Britain, sick of loitering teenagers, are now blasting them with the mosquito, a device which emits an maddening high-pitched sound which only those from 12-22 years of age can hear. While a negligible few are against it, most adults say it's a fair punishment for having to listen to this. For the video report, click here.

V-Day for Lonelyhearts

The amount of cards read this day is only rivaled by Christmas, but a whopping 40% are sent by parents. Unless you're one of those people that have this tattoo. Then you might not get a card. Or flowers. Or chocolate. But who needs love, anyway? A recent survey reported most don't. For the video report, click here.

Stress Kills

Or at least, it'll break your shoulder. That's what happened when a woman yelled at an overstressed South Philly bus driver. Which isn't as bad as what happened to a woman who decided to take on an overstressed and armed bank guard in Thailand. For the video report, click here.

Grammy Awards Wrap Up

The 48th Annual Grammy Awards last night proved absolutely nothing, except the possible idea that selling a bazillion records doesn't necessarily guarantee an award. Then again, who can explain Kelly Clarkson? For the Video Report, click here.

Arrested Development Update: Last four shows Friday at 8 PM. William Hung guest stars!

But I Love Him!

In efforts to preserve a penguin species in danger in becoming extinct, zookeepers in Germany have flown in females from another zoo in Sweden to mate with its 10 males. Although four lucky ladies have managed to seduce the men, 6 of the males have shirked them and have formed "gay" couples. Gay rights activists are crying foul, accusing the zoo officials of trying to turn them straight. Flightless homosexual and transgender birds plan a massive protest walk in the North Pole. For the Video Report, click here.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

A cartoon of Muslim Prophet Mohammed, published first in Danish newspapers, set off a slew of international protests, gaining momentum every time it gets published elsewhere. Iran, who removed its ambassador from Denmark and cut off all trade ties with the country, said the cartoons "launched an anti-Islamic and Islamophobic current." I didn't even know Islamophobic was a real word. For the Video Report, click here.

Superbowl: An American Tradition

Whatever. What we really wanna see are the halftime show & commercials. Which both sucked, as we all stared in disgusting rapture at the virtually unrecognizable Rolling Stones display gyrations for geriatrics and lessons in air guitar. And the commercials? Yawn. Like the one from Florida. Which is at least in better taste than this one last year. And Spock, why did you stoop so low? Not even mildly funny.

But there were a few good ones. Below are my favs. Click away and have fun.

For the Video Report, click here.











Honorable mentions: the MasterCard ones get bonus points for using MacGyver. And the Bud Light ones, despite being one of the crappiest beers ever, always elicit a begrudged smirk. The Burger King one was just weird. Wanna see em all? Click here.

Excuse Me While I Kick Snow Dust Off My Feet

Sorry everyone, but I'll be off snowboarding this weekend, starting...now. Look for me on the slopes of Mt. Rose, while I think of a new video for Monday. In between runs. On the lift. Really.
In the meantime, here's some choice clickables for you to peruse:

Nick Lachey Does Not Want Your Teenage Daughter
Global Warming Rouses Snowmen to Action
Jodie Sweetin Took Meth - World Goes, Who? - thanks for the tip, Bob.
Marty & Doc Try their Flex Capacity

Enjoy.

Government Finally Has Bake Sale

Despite public support waning for the war in Iraq, the White House tries slightly different way to get $70 billion from Congress to finance it this year. For the Video Report, click here.

Revenge is a Dish Served Cold, Unless it's a Boiled Rabbit

After perusing the news sites and finding nothing compelling (America addicted to oil is news?), I stumbled upon a local Houston website that told the story of a recently-dissed-by-his-girlfriend dude that decided his coping mechanism was to burn other people's stuff. Which intrigued me - what do people do when they get dumped? Google proved to be quite enlightening.
For the Video Report, click here.