How to Save the Human Race

World conditions got you down? What? Not very optimistic, are you? You're not alone: Stephen Hawking agrees we might very well destroy each other. Does that mean the end of the human race?

Not if Mr. Hawking has anything to do about it.

View the video report here.

New York Tackles Greenhouse Gases

Temperatures in New York rose 1.13 degrees last century. The prediction for the next 100 years? Can the summer heat make the pee-infused train stations any more rank?

Apparently, yes. Lots more.

View the video report here.

Petition to Make TRUTHINESS Word of the Year

Every year, dictionary supergiant Merriam-Webster calls on you to cast your ballot and vote for the Word of the Year.

And let's face it: past winners sucked.

"Integrity"? "Blog"? Lame!

And so now I begin my online campaign to make Stephen Colbert's "Truthiness" 2006's Word of the Year. Don't let the Word of the Year be taken by some pedestrian noun or unimaginative adjective.

Be on the side of TRUTHINESS!

Let's make it happen, people! It all ends December 4! Click here to vote!

View the video report here!

SPREAD THE WORD!

Pamela Anderson Files for Divorce!

Alas, another Hollywood couple, this one with high hopes from everyone of their lasting bliss, has bit the dust. Pamela Anderson confirms: "Unfortunately impossible."

Who would have thought? Is there no one respecting the sanctity of a doomed wedding?

View the video report here.

Why Did OJ Do It?

In a photo from the interview, OJ describes how he would, if, you know, hypothetically speaking, he would choke the last breath of life out of the two people he absolutely unequivocally did not murder.

But I guess we'll never know, now that the book and interview have been pulled. The question remains, Why? Why the shamefully tasteless and exploitative publicity stunt?

View the video report here.

Is Michael Richards Racist?

He doesn't seem to think so. During his broadcast apology, he defended himself by saying: "I'm not a racist. That's what's so insane about this."

Of course not. Neither is Mel Gibson.

Seriously--what do you think?

View the video report here.

Does the US Need Help in the Mideast?

Oh my, but the Mideast never sleeps:

• Iraq defense minister admits internal conflict is "state of war," US pressured to ask Syria & Iran for help
• Iran President invites presidents of Syria & Iraq for weekend summit
• International human rights watchdog calls Saddam's trial "fundamentally unfair"
  
• Iraq reaches out to Syria and resumes diplomacy after almost 25 years to deal with internal chaos

All this attention is sure to make North Korea jealous. Expect them to launch a parakeet into space in a styrofoam rocket, which will explode shortly after takeoff.

View the video report here.

TomKat Plan Italian Wedding

With rumor that the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will wed as soon as this Saturday, still no word yet if Xenu is confirmed to attend; he has to check first with the Galactic Confederacy.

View the video report here.

OJ Confesses!

Not content to just go away and wither in a filthy rich golf player's paradise over 10 years after the last "Trial of the Century," OJ Simpson brick-slaps society with a one-two punch: an interview and a book that his publisher calls "his confession."

View the video report here.

The Marines Reject Jesus!

You can't have Christmas without Christ! Then it'll be just ...mas! And that doesn't have a ring to it, now, does it? Besides, what better way to while away the winter than cuddling with the Lord?

View the video report here.

Elton John Wants to Ban Religion

Why? Ruthless persecution of heretics who dared defy the church? Serving colonial interests in the guise of conversion? Killing infidels to secure a place in Paradise? Fomenting nationalism?

Nah. Religion hates gays, so make it unlawful.

Somehow the irony of intolerance is lost on Sir Elton. Just like the irony of his hair.

View the video report here.

Post-Election Elation: Dems Control Both House and Senate

Only because I do this news thing for a living do I know such obtuse historical facts as:

• Democrats last held sway of both House & Senate in 1994
• Democrats last gained House seats mid-presidential term in 1998; and before that, 1822
• Never before has "latte" been used as a disparaging term

With all of these world-shaking events, do the tea leaves of US politics really spell change? Or just another person to hate?

View the video report here.

Donald Rumsfeld Resigns!

Donald CutAndRunsfeld, perhaps taking heed of virtually every red-blooded American soldier he leads, turns in his badge as US Defense Secretary, according to an annoucement from George Bush this morning.

View the video report here.

Never Saw This Coming

Britney Spears and Kevin "F is for Failure" Federline are no more. Brit ended the rocky union, filing for divorce, citing "irreconcilable differences."

Perhaps she didn't want her boys to grow up like their poppa (computer-generated projected image, left). Understandable. At least now they have the bright future of becoming saccharine white trash ho-bags. Yay!

View the video report here.

It's Election Time!

With the dawn of midterm elections just a few hours away, tensions are running high, as are hopes of a new...something. Anything. But be warned: politics are always a gamble. Despite what you think you may know about a candidate, there's always the chance that you will share the blame for putting a sick pedarast in power and one step closer to his dream of a vile boy-harem in the West Wing. Not that that could ever happen.

View the video report here.

Why Haven't You Downloaded This Yet?

The videophone has long been a mainstay in science fiction: Blade Runner, the Jetsons, etc. Finally the videophone became a reality, but only if you had 18 billion dollars or were a superagent like 007 or Ethan Hunt.

Well, let me tell you, the videophone has arrived, it's come a long way, and if you're reading this, you can probably use it. For free. That's right--free.

How do I know? Because the company I work for, SightSpeed, makes pretty much the best and easiest video calling software ever. And it's free. Did I mention it's free?

So why haven't you downloaded it yet?

View the video report here.